A One Way Highway

Christ Has No Hands

2012-02-09T09:56:00.001-06:00

Christ Has No Hands
Christ has no body now but yours
No hands, not feet on earth but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which he looks,
Compassion on this world.
Yours are the fee with he walks to do good.
Yours are the fee with which he blessed all the world

Yours are the hands
Yours are the feel
Your are eyes
You are the body

Christ has no body now but yours
No hands, no feet no earth but yours
Yours are the eyes through which he looks,
Compassion on this world.
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good.
Christ has no body now on earth yours.
~St. Teresa of Alvila

Come to me

2012-01-12T08:36:00.001-06:00

Calling out in the dessert
Longing to be home once again
Deepness of the everlasting love
Wondering alone in the darkness
Alone and afraid
The stillness of that all that was
Wondering away from the saving love
Healing of heart and soul
Running away
Hiden behind the trees
Not wanting to be know
By the one who created me
Come back to me
Come back my boloved
Give me your heartache
Your sorrow and anger
I know and habe seem your fight
My yoke is light
Stop and rest in me
Come to me once again

What are the blessings in your life?

2011-10-26T22:07:00.000-05:00

What are the blessings in your life? The things that seem so overwhelming and hard to bear alone. Tears of pain or anger. Possibly even both. How is it that when the world says try this and all will be forgotten. No more heartache, pain, fear, or what ever it might be. All these things and more are still just below the surface. Ready to come out at the next turn. Wondering who will understand or truly care? Is there really anyone who does?
I know with out any doubt there is! That with out Christ I would have not been able to carry one. Yet, it has not been easy. It has been anything but easy. Have I come to a place of peace and calm. I'm no were close to that. Just ask those who have seen me struggle to find my way. Struggling to even find some sort of calm even within myself. Even when the struggle is with what is not known.
What is it then that can be considered a blessing? The fight to become whole in Christ. The tears shed for those taken by sickness or old age? Knowing the love of a mother, grandmother, father, grandfather, and friends? Yes! The love of a God who understands. The gift of prayers answered. In the most unexpected ways.

Leaning to pray

2011-09-08T14:48:00.001-05:00

It has been over the last several weeks that Our Father has been both a great comfort and heartache. Since it was the prayer I was taught by mom when I was little. Being one of the many things that would be said as I was being tucked into be at night. So, it has been many times when at Mass that the tears come and I try to hold them back. Yet, holding the tears I end up losing and the come the tears. It is in trying hold back the tears that the memories come rushing back of my mom trying one more time to say the words to this prayer but was not able too. It was then that I understood that it was my mom who, in her own way, set the course for where I am now. Her understanding that one day I would find the comfort and joy in faith. That I had to fight to make my own and to share with others. Many times in a quite way. By working with people with developmental or the homeless. Even by just being there for friends in thier times of need. Yet, it is in knowing that it started with a prayer and hope of a mother that I will always keep with me. The memory of her saying one last time;
"Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen"

Everlasting Love

2011-08-21T18:50:00.001-05:00

What will you say

Once I see you face to face

Longing to know what of your love for me

Your love for me that never ends

How is it that I am on your mind

Even before I was born

Longing for the day to fall into your embrace

I need your love

And to know that you are with me

More know then ever

Having a birds eye view

You have known me

Feeling that you are no longer with me

How is it that you knew that one day

That I would be a woman

Called by name

To become one who loves

Yet, fears to become an outcast

Felling that all has been worked for

Will all be lost

For the world to come crashing down

Your love is everlasting

You came down from glory

To show your endless love

Which you have longed to give

Yet to often turned away from

Not wanting to give up my ways

For yours

Everlasting are you to love

When it is not given in return

How is it that this everlasting love still is given

That so willing to give up Heaven

Showing us an everlasting love

That heaven could not hold it any longer

The Divine Mercy Prayer in a Song

2011-08-18T11:53:00.001-05:00

I have found that praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet has given much comfort to me over the past week or so. Even when tears don't always come.

Do not.......

2011-07-20T11:03:00.001-05:00

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep,
I am the diamond glints in the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quite birds in circlrs flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.
~Author Unknown

One Day

2011-07-11T00:39:00.001-05:00

Better is one day in you courts
I will sit at the door
Being a gate keeper
Just to be close to you
To hear your voice
Calling out to me by name
Touch the deepest hurts of my
soul
Hearing the still small voice
Calling out to me
To let go
And give to you
The heartache and fears
That it is not mine to hold
You call to my soul
To let your love wash over me
Your healing power
Forgiveness of our transgrations
Better is one day
Then a thousand any were else

Calling

2011-07-05T22:27:00.001-05:00

Be near to me and I to you
You are mine
I have called you by name to
come
I know the day and hour of your
coming and going
This heartache of this moment
All of it known
Every tear that falls
I am there with breaking heart
and tears falling
My daughter beloved child
Look upon my Son
The price has been payed
No greater love
Have you bor heard my calling to
you to come
Lay down your broken heart
Your way not lost
Wondering and lonely
So, far away from your love
From your loving embrace
Can it be that I was running
From the One calling
As I sit in stillness of night
Given such great blessings
The tears seen
Understanding
Love and mercy

This one is for you Mom!! Relay for life '11

2011-06-26T22:53:00.000-05:00

I could have not have thought of any better way to honor my mom then by walking in her honor. Raising money for the American Cancer Society to help to find a illness. That touches so many of us. Knowing that there are so many who have beaten cancer. There are many who still do not make it like my mom.

Prayer of St. Francis

2011-06-20T16:58:00.001-05:00

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is doubt, faith; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning thay we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Never Been Unloved

2011-01-30T18:03:00.000-06:00

A few days ago this song came on the radio at a time when I was feeling quite down and unlovable. So, many times over the past few weeks I have need to hear this song. As one of the line loosely say, "I have been undesirable but never unlovable." Even at my worst times I am loved.

Time

2010-11-22T23:30:00.003-06:00

If I could sum up what the past year and half has been full of joy and heart ache. The loss of my grandma to the joy of the Holy Saturday of 2009. There is differently a lot more that I have been seeing with in my family. The longing for healing of loved ones. The toll that it has taken words fall short. The healing power of music has given my heart the rest and comfort. Knowing that before there was time. I was loved. That I was known by name. "Before there was time....."

I Have Loved You With An Everlasting Love Fr. Michael Joncas cover

2010-08-08T17:02:00.002-05:00

"Thus says the LORD: 'The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:2 to 3

What a great comfort the readings for the Mass have been a comfort to me this week. This song I have love you with an everlasting love. Came to mind as I prayed with the first reading from Tuesday August 3. Reminding once again that I am loved with a love that lasts forever. Is something I can not get my heart and mind around. Yet, this love is made real each time I am present at Mass. Present in the time of prayer and to those I run into day to day. Being able to share the love that I have been given. Who is it that you need to love today or is it you that needs to feel the love of God?

Dancing for joy to tears of sorrow

2010-08-05T00:21:00.008-05:00

The combo of wanting to dance for joy and having the such deep sorrow. If hasn't been for the support of friends who are praying for me. You know how you are and I am grateful for you prayers. Also, for allowing me be able to express in word and tears what's my heart. I would have walked away from the Church. It seems that it is in these crazy mixed up moments that God seems the most tangible and real. Being able to face the why questions that have been coming up. Taking the time to give them light and to answer them. The answers to these questions very well might be ones I do not want to hear. Yet, it is something that will have to be faced. Crazy as this may and does sound. I love that I can at the sometime dance for joy and have such deep sorrow. For sorrow lasts for the night and joy will come in the morning. This was true this past Monday morning after working the over night and feeling quite down. I had an eight a.m. with great news. That the wondering and the waiting finally being to be asked "Will you marry me?" And the answer give was "Yes!!" Which was just the news I needed to bring a smile to my face. If I did not think people would thing I was some crazy lady I would have gotten out of my truck and stated to dance around it. This all seems so crazy to me that at the same time it is likely to feel such great joy and feel great sorrow as while. Cause me to wonder if this is how God feels. When we turn away and reject his love. It is quite likely, since we his children so often walk anyway from him and say we are going to do things our own way. It has also been a week that I have had a deep sense of sorrow. Sorrow of remembering what it is loss loved ones. There are a few other thing that at for know to keep to myself, friends, and to pray over.

Element of Surprise

2010-07-31T12:37:00.001-05:00

Seeing Sister Margarets look of disbelief. That we came for a party to say good by. What a great joy. Knowing that forever this group of women will have the bond of comminity and love. It was great knowing that all the sisters knew that the party was going to happen. Expet for Sister !! What a great time of being togeather!

Wheat or weeds

2010-07-25T17:39:00.003-05:00

The readings for this week have been centered around soil, wheat and weeds. As the words of these readings from the Gospels for the weekly mass have been working on my heart. The sense of need for confession and to becoming what it is to be more like Christ. Being in the world and not of it. The quetions of what is to take a stand for those who need it and how that looks likes. So, what is it to be wheat rather thw weeds?

Your Grace Is Enough

2010-06-26T23:16:00.001-05:00

What is it to share your love and grace. Being able to have the grace to live out my call in life. Relizing that your grace is enogh for me. When all seems to cone crashing down and it feels that I can no longer carry on. When prayer comes only in painful quite. The pain of longing for the lover of my heart and soul. The wonder of His grace and love. No one can fully understand. He loves us worts and all. Even when we are at the lost.

Sorrows

2010-06-20T22:43:00.000-05:00

What it must have felt that day when the events of the Passion took place. Knowing that all to soon that Jesus would willing go to the cross for all of us. He willing became poor and one body. For us thag we may live. Sorrow is present within my heart. Slowly, it crept into my heart and has made its home. Is this anything like what Mary felt as she took in the pain and sufferinf of he son upon the try. After all she knew that Jesus had to take this placw upom the tree. For there is no grater love then this. Then to lay down ones life for ones friends.

Restless spirit

2010-06-13T09:52:00.000-05:00

This last week I have been restless. Being able to pray for any amount of time has been diffcult. A sense of deep hurt and fear seemed to have hit. Not really being able to put it all together until late Friday night and yesterday. Praying though parts of Matthew this week. Reminded me that I have to be salt and light to a dark and tasteless world. That I have to use far less words when I pray for the Father already knows what I need and what is the best for me. That true love and forgiveness comes from his love. Being able to enjoy community with him. Is to allown him to speak to us. Even with a restless spirit. That is hurting and crying out to the healer.

Love as I have love you

2010-05-08T18:56:00.002-05:00

We are called to love as He has loved us. How is that the one sent to us can have such love for those who put him on the tree. It was my sins and failings that put him there and my lack of love that kept him on the cross. A love that I can not even start to explain or even understand. A love that drove God to allow Jesus, his beloved son to die. Even the death upon the cross. What would this look like if this would be in today? Lethal injections or something more inhuman?
Would I be able to lay my life down for those I have never known? How can I love as he first loved me. Since, He died for my sins. Knowing that I will once again have to ask for forgiveness. What is it to love this much? With the heart and mind of Jesus. I do not know. Only that I have to daily ask for the help to do this.

Entering Holy Week

2010-03-27T19:49:00.004-05:00

This time last year I was coming in to the final days of R.C.I.A. It was with much joy in remembering the great anticipation in finally becoming fully Catholic. Yet, it is with some sorrow as while. Sorrow in knowing that I would shortly be having to deal with the loss of my beloved grandmother. Who struggled for most of last year of being in poor health. Along with the serious health issues of my mother that are still ever present. Its these events that have made my faith tangable. Each time I'm at I go to Mass I am overwhelmed by being able to receive Christ. It is in know Him that was with me then. As while as know. So, this year I am reminded of the time of prep airing for being received. The time to truly make sure that this is what I desired and not a felting fad. Saying yes at the during the Easter Vigil was profoundly powerful. A time of huge and overwhelming graces that words seem to fail.

Shared Journy

2010-03-03T14:31:00.003-06:00

What is it to share this journey that I am on? Showing that chasing after the call to a life that many do not understand. How is it that I a women in her early thirties a convert to the Catholic Church? Possibly, one day become a religious sister. I know that with out any second guessing that it is by the grace of God. That it has been only by His promptings or more to the point the kicks in the butt. Ever since I was about fifteen years old. That there was something I am called to. That goes against the time in which I live. By the questioning of those who taught within the faith tradition I once belonged to and called home. Finding that what I was taught and told just did not add up. With what I would read in the Bible. Which, did not help me come to a faith of my own. What it did do was cause me to wonder if about God and Jesus Christ. Whether or not if anything was true in the Bible or just a bunch of man made stories. That did not stop me from trying to find the truth. Even though it has take a lot of time. Yet, God's time is prefect. He will not force anyone of to do anything that he or she does not want to be doing.

Do or do not there is no try

2010-02-15T20:41:00.010-06:00

As He was setting out on a journey, a man ran up to Him and knelt before Him, and asked Him, "Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone. "You know the commandments, 'DO NOT MURDER, DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, DO NOT STEAL, DO NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS, Do not defraud, HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER.'" And he said to Him, "Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up." Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, "One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." But at these words he was saddened, and he went away grieving, for he was one who owned much property.

-Mark 10:17-22

This weekend I spent the weekend with this Sister at Rosary Hill and what a weekend it was. I differently need to get going with discerning my vocations. No longer can I just sit on my hands to wait for it to just come to me. I have to get going. What is it that is holding me back? What 'riches' have a hold on me? No longer can I be I be idol in looking into what it is that my vocation is. Run full speed a head not stopping for anything. Seeking after the lover of my soul. The one who is head over heals for me. With the voice that has been quietly calling me since I was sixteen years old. Yet, been tuning for way to long. It is time now for me to take action and to stop siting on the side lines of life. Taking the time to be still to hear the voice of the creator.

A little of this and a bit of that

2010-01-03T17:30:00.002-06:00

This year I hope to blog on a more consistency then I have overt he past several months. The craziness of life has gotten the best of me. The time that I need to spend in prayer, reading, and everything else has been replaced with work. Working way to much has started to show in it self. In my lack of interest in the things I love to do. Blogging being one of these things. I noticed greatly when I spent a few days at Rosary Hill. A great group of Dominican Sisters. Given the chance to join them in their ways of life. Their way of life was a breath of fresh air and it gave me the wake up call that I needed. Slowing down and taking time for myself is something I need to starting doing more of. With the work I do at Pioneer. I must take care of myself or I will be of no use to anyone.
So, hears to the a new year and to a fresh start.

Crash landings

2009-08-18T21:58:00.005-05:00

Seemingly there are time when everything seems to hit at once. When everything comes crashing down upon me. At least that's the way it felt yesterday. A resounding sense of lose and grief seemed to make a crash landing upon my heart. A sense like everything was to much and I could no longer keep on keeping on. Learning once again that I am not able to do life on my own. That by our very being we need other people to bear each others burdens. By prayer and listening to each others hearts, and so much more.

Thomas Merton

2009-07-19T11:33:00.003-05:00

I've been reading over the past several month The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. What a great book so far but it definitely one that I am not able to race though. What a life he live as a childhood he had. Along with his high school and college life. I am not quite half way though it. I have been able to get quite a bit of from his journey to coming to the the place where he was when he passed away. I am looking forward to keep reading about his early life. There seems to be so much that could have lead him a way from Christ. Yet, there seemed to be that 'something' calling him to the real truth of life. Differently this is one of those books everyone should read at least once.

Jumping off the ride

2009-06-25T23:16:00.003-05:00

The need to be able to rest and have time to be alone is a great thing. Yet, one that seems to be hard to find. One way or another I'll be able to find some of this. Being able to seek after what it is I'm being called to is not easy. When it feels that I'm being pulled in so many ways. At some point all of us need to jump of the ride and walk away to just be. What ever it is at that moment to be present to God. No matter what we might be feeling or thinking about. He already knows and wants us to come to Him any way.

Making the point

2009-06-06T15:15:00.004-05:00

Know a week later I keep going back to the all that was talked about over the weekend. The unmistakable bound that has been made over the weekend. Without a second thought the Holy Spirit was defiantly at work with all us. Also, there is no mistaking, that God has His way of making sure a point hits home.

As we made out down to the lake (picture is of Lake Michigan and not of the lake at Holy Family) dark clouds started to drift over us. While we were making our way to the shore line to reflect on baptism. Either we were to come back together in ten minutes. Well, you may have guessed, it started to rain for about ten minutes. This is, at least for me, just one of many moments that the point has been made. In many ways, as I am seeking out what it is I am being called to. I know that the Holy Spirit is moving and confirming the way I'm going.

Understanding

2009-06-02T22:11:00.004-05:00

How can I help those understand the way I have been choising the path I am going down? I don't know that anyone can really understand. Unless, one is also going though a simlar journy. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work with in the hearts of those who are supportive. Yet, seemingly at a distance. I would love for those I care for to really understand. I can not make them understand. It is not up to me for them to be able see or understand.

Prayer of the Holy Spirit

2009-06-01T06:45:00.002-05:00

O, Holy Spirit,

beloved of my soul,

I adore You.

Enlighten me, guide me,

stengthen me, console me.

Tell me what

I should do; give

me Your orders.

I promise to submist myself to all that

You desire of me and to accept all that

You permit to happen to me.

Let me only know

Your will.

Listening to what my calling maybe

2009-05-25T18:16:00.002-05:00

I can't help wonder what the calling I have for my life. Right know as I go a visit a few communities. So, far the ones I've been to have felt like place I could be at. Yet, this is not something to be rushed into. I feel a little bit lost at times. Just not knowing if I'm headed in the way that God has set before me. At times it seems that I am and at others it does not. There seems to be so many questions to be answered and to be asked. Still, there seems to be no words to put to all these questions and answers for them. For, know any way it seems that all this is something that to be wrestled with with and pondered. No matter what, it seems that there will be this struggle with whether or not one is heading down the path for someones life.

Saint Mary Monstery at Rock Island, Illnios

2009-05-20T15:05:00.012-05:00

Over this past weekend I had the chance to get away and spend it with the Sisters of St. Benedict of St. Mary Monastery. With all that has been going on lately I needed the time to recharge. Being able to meet the many of the Sister was great and I look forward making many other visits. I am visiting other communities but I feel that this community could very well be one that makes my top three or four list.

Being able to have the time to talk with the sisters through out the weekend was a great.

In the picture from left to right, Sister Mary Jane, myself, and Sister Bobbi. Being able to take part in the times of prayer with the community and having time with the Sister Bobbi and Mary Jane within their community group on Saturday evening. Through out the day I was able to have time to myself to take pictures and explore the grounds. Along with being able to learn the history of Saint Mary Monastery from Sister Bobbi and also we talked about the Rule of Saint Benedict. What a great time of learning about this great community. Along with being able to learn if this is really what I am being called to.

It sure does seem like I am being called to the religious life. Yet, I do not want to rush into this. Given that I have two years before I will be able to join a community. This is something I do not want to rush into and want to take my time in choosing a picking a community. Along with taking the time to truly seeing if I am being called to the religious life.

Being a part

2009-04-27T22:58:00.002-05:00

With all that has been going lately I feel this deep long for something. A something that I can not really put to words. Being able to find a place a place to call home. A longing to known and to know others. Longing for a real sense of community. A change of heart into the trueness of a calling. Being more like Christ. How many long to be a part of something great the something so much lager then just one ministry or one block of time. Is there really such a thing as doing to much or too little. Being a part of any community is a great thing. It seems to be a matter of finding where that may be.

Now what?

2009-04-25T08:15:00.004-05:00

Finding the way home with it being three weeks ago after the Easter Vigil. Still, there seems no way really put how I felt and the joy of becoming a part of the family. The lingering questions of 'know what?' keeps coming up. What do we do know that R.C.I.A. is over for us. What ministries do we work in know. How can we be of service to those who are not yet part of the Catholic Church. What do I do once P.A.D.S is over for the season.

Holy Week

2009-04-06T16:57:00.004-05:00

This is one of those weeks where that seems a sorrowful one. Yet, one full that is a reminder of what Christ had done for us on the cross. The pain that Mary had to go through. Looking on helplessly as her son was slowly suffocating to death. This painful way to die to pay for our sins. A lyric that keeps running in my mind is 'Its my mocking voice that held him their.' From the song How Deep Our Fathers Love for Us.

It feels so much different this year. Then in prior years because I am taking part in a much more meaningful time. This year with becoming part of the Catholic Church. This is some what scary and yet I am ready for this. I can not wait. Being able to part take in all that it is to be a part community of faith.

Spring?

2009-04-05T19:15:00.002-05:00

Yes, that is right it's snow. And it is spring time. I hope that coming Easter Sunday that it will be nice out. As I am writing this it the snow is still coming down. I like snow but this just does not fell right. In the morning, the is going to be more snow. Well, that's what happens in northern Illionis.

Coming home

2009-04-04T16:10:00.002-05:00

Holy Week...a the events of the passion of Christ. His last supper with his friends, his trail, death, and being raised from death. As for many who have been going though R.C.I.A. having gone though this time of learning. We will be coming home to the Catholic Church. How much I've learned and come to see as to were I need to be going. The time really see if this is the place for me. There is know no turning back. I can not wait for Easter Vigil. Being able to part take of this Holy Meal. I am amazed by the speed of this year went. For, it was last April that I emailed pastoral associate for R.C.I.A. So, here is to Holy Week and Easter 2009!!

Waiting for the proper time

2009-04-03T07:32:00.007-05:00

This Holy Week will be quite different and memorable. For, I'll be completing the time of preparing to entering join the Catholic Church. I really do not know what to expect this coming Easter Vigil. Soon it will be here. There is so much to still learn. All of which will take a life time. Finally, being able partake in the Eucharist.

A time to reflect

2009-03-26T19:45:00.004-05:00

Reflecting on the time I spent with the Sisters in Indiana. I still really do not know how to put to words what is going on with in my heart. It seems that I learned so much. That I have found I could be a part of this community. That is if this is where I'm being to lead be. There are so many questions that I have but do not really have words to put to them. One of the sisters said to let the Holy Spirit lead you. He differently was doing a number in my heart on the drive home. In fact, he still is. Still it seems like it is such a long time to wait. First for Easter. Then, for the two years until I would be able to join a religious order. If that is God's leading.

A weekend to remember!

2009-03-24T14:05:00.003-05:00

This past weekend is one of that I will never forget. I have really felt like I like was home. There was so much to take in. The rhythm of life of the the Sisters of Saint Benedict of the Monastery Immaculate Conception. Is something that I really love. And I don't otherwise have as a day to day part of my life. Is the daily times of prayer.

I know that I really wont Easter to come. And becoming a part of the Church. Soon!!

R.C.I.A. pt. 2

2009-03-03T21:38:00.002-06:00

Well, this past weekend was a big weekend. Given not as big as Easter Virgil will be. On Saturday, was the Rite of Sending. Then, on Sunday was the Rite of Election. That took place at the Cathedral of Saint Peter's in Rockford, Illinois. I only wish I had taken pictures to have posted along with this post. Sadly, I did not take any. It was a great day. I do not know where I finally, realized that Easter is almost here. And the two who started in mid-July with me along with the others who joined will soon be a part of this large world wide family. So here's to EASTER 2009!!

Fat Tuesday to Ash Wensday and a few more things

2009-02-24T13:44:00.004-06:00

Well, when I started this blog I was hoping to post more often then I am. As of the time of this post I have been out of work for a month. My grandma my is on her second stay in the hospital in the same amount of time. It seems that when the craziness of live seems like I can feel the need to rely the most on faith.
Fat Tuesday, a time to pig out on what will be given up for Lent. While, time to drink up or eat up on what ever is to be given up. I'll be giving up my favorite drink, Coke Zero. This time of giving up is a time to ready one's self for Easter. Most impotently it is for my coming into the Catholic Church. The time seems to be flying. So, here's to the next forty days!

Loss of a son

2009-01-07T00:13:00.002-06:00

The news of death of John Travolta's son Jett. There is such a great interest in the ways of the death of the precious life. One that we should allow to be morned in peace. Allow the Travolta's to do with out being the media being right there. I can understand why we wont to know about this. The life of those who are famous draw us. The have the right to be left alone no matter who they are.

History has been made

2008-11-04T23:30:00.002-06:00

Elecation 2008. History has been made. The first black man has been elected to the highest office in the United States of Americia. Barack Obama!! What an amazing thing to witeness history.

R.C.I.A.

2008-08-26T02:47:00.002-05:00

I have found that being in R.C.I.A. a great things. Though, right know myself and the other two people are only in the inquiry phase. I have found that I don't have questions at this point. I can't wait til we get to the teaching part of it. Which, starts sometime in September. We been given a book tilted Why do Catholics...? by Sister Charlen Altemose, MSC. I have found this helpful but I have about forty pages yet to read. Much of what I have read I knew about but have more of an understanding. This book is a great start to what is to come. At least I hope so. What will the rest of R.C.I.A. be like? I do not know. Just as long as myself and the others grow in faith. And to all that is important in the faith.

Looking at various communities

2008-08-19T04:52:00.003-05:00

I have been for the past several month looking at various communities. This I have found is not easy or something to be rushed into. I really don't know where, when, or if I will even become a sister. But, it does feel that I am going in the way directed by God. I only hope that my family contiues to be supportive. As I keep going through R.C.A.I.

Longings and wonderings

2008-06-01T05:08:00.005-05:00

Can there be peace when I uneasy about the life I've been living. Uneasy about feeling that I have not done what I should have been going to confession. It feels that there is so much that needs to be forgiven. How can I go to confession when I'm not yet a member of the Catholic Church? I don't know. But, this I do, I am sinking and have lost any footing I had before. How I need to hear that I'm forgiven by a priest. I will ask Father today what is the proper way about going about confession. I haven't found anything that say I should not be going to confession.
I better get back to doing the Knights of Colmbus CIS course. I haven't been doing well about keeping up with this. Along with any sort fo Bible reading. There is so much to be learned from this precious book. I long to get going with the R.C.I.A. program. I really do wont to be a part of the Chruch. I have to partake of the Lord's Table. Which is what I am being called to do at least for know.

Blind Faith

2008-05-14T01:00:00.000-05:00

Like so many others I've believed what was said from the puplit. And never checked it out for myself. This can and often lead to many questions that I had to find answers for myself. Even if doing so would lead to things that could cause trouble for what I was told was right. Having heard from a few tecachers at various church say that anyon who's Cathalic are not ture Bible believing Christians. That they worship Mary and the saints. The first part of this has never set while with me. While, the last part did seem like there was some truth to it. Yet, I had to go on a quest for truth. In any many froms. It seems that what I have believed by blind faith is far from what the truth is.
Since, I've been reading any information that I could find. All of which seems to be quite postive and I've been drawn to this place. A place that was set-up by Jesus Christ, Himself. That through Peter has kept going. Problems oh yes. Given that the Cathalic Church has fallen people at the helam. At this point I'm on the way to starting R.C.I.A. this fall.
How can I not answer the still small voice calling me home?
No longer can I keep running from the calling or vocation that has been place upon my heart and soul by God. Its time that I stop leaving by blind faith. Rather then, what I have always been told. Making faith my own. For, I have to work out my own salvation with fear and tembling.

Religious Life?

2008-04-15T22:50:00.000-05:00

What is it to leave the faith I've come to for the Catholic Church. That there is a divine calling on my life to be a sister. Something that seems to have been there ever the time I was going to Saints Peter and Paul. One that I have been pushing aside because it has always been more important to be a part of the Protestant Church.

After driving around Libertyville one morning to find a place for breafest two Sundays ago. I drove past Marytwon, http://www.marytown.com/, a monistary and national shrine to Saint Maxiamilian Kolbe. After looking thorugh the website I came upon a link to the Daughters of the Immaculata, http://www.daughtersoftheimmaculata. A community of sisters who work along side the fathers and brothers of Marytown. What is it live out a life in a community such as this. I do not know. Yet, I feel a pull towards this life. A life that at one time I never thought I would never long to have. Even though, I am not yet part of the Cathlic Church.

God calls who he does for so many things that so many people for things that don't seem to be them. Yet, in some way this does seem like something that has always been with in my heart and soul. Just waiting for me to respond to this call. Placed upon me even before I took my first breath. Well, here it goes. On the jounry towards God's will.

Grace

2008-04-12T08:52:00.000-05:00

The love of Christ, what an assume and great comfort. That has always given me the grace I needed to make it the day. For, that matter moment to moment. A grace that is been a so many ways caused me to do something more. Much more then what I am currently doing and completely giving over this one life of mine. A life that is not my own but God that Father. The giver of all good things.

Longings

2008-03-29T09:46:00.001-05:00

If there has ever been a time of great longing in my life it's now. There has been a great desire in my in this time to become a part of something lagret then my self. Even if this means leaving behind all that is comfortable and what the world say you can not live with out. Even if it is something that kills ture life. A life that is a gift that is thrown away. This is something that I am not willing to do.

Good Friday

2008-03-21T08:48:00.000-05:00

Today, as I wind down of a hard night of work. Yes, you read that correctly. I work nights and the morning time I have to wind down. I can't help but think of what happened over two thosand years ago for all of us. On that cross. What a time of great pain and sorrow. How greatful I am for this great gift given to all of us. That has been given to all of us. Yet, so many don't take it. I need to get back to a place where I have community aound me. It's a matter of finding what that community will be.
I have been slowly reading though the CIS lesson one on the Apostles' Creed. There has been so many things I've read that has been helpful. I am finding that the Cathlic Church a place that has more to give then any other. Leaving the non-denimational church is something I never though would happen. Yet, I feel that I need to finsh this couse first. I hope to be done with the lesson by the end of the weekend.

Seaching

2008-02-06T03:23:00.000-06:00

What is it to live a life that has no meaning. No way of what it means to live a life fully given over to something. Whatever that might be. I can not understand how I have been making it though this time without going to the Chapel.(chapel.org) This time has been a time of rethinking of what it to be a part of a non-denonational church.
Since I getting my iPod in '06 I have been listening to many podcastes. These podcastes can be found at sqpn.com. The shows I'm subscibed to are the Rosary Army(rosaryarmy.com), the Daily Breakfest, and a few others.
These podcastes have given a face and voice to the Cathlic Church that I didn't have before. So much of what I thought of the Cathlic Church is not true. I have so much that I still do not know about. Which is why I downloaded an rcia podcast. It seems fitting that with the start taking a closer look at this.

New Year New Job

2008-01-10T09:09:00.000-06:00

I feel so much better now that 2008 has started. Finally, I'm out of Valley Hi Nursing Home. And on to working at Peapod as a shopper. Though, I'm still trying to get use to working nights and sleeping during the day. This is not easy for me given that I've been a day person all my life. I can deal with this though. With better pay and not having to deal with the having to be fake at Valley Hi. I started Dec. 20. Earlier then I planned on because I could not take another day of working in such a harmful place.
So, hears to a new year (and job)!!!

It Is Time For Change

2007-12-12T20:34:00.000-06:00

How great a God I serive and love. The power of prayer is great and powerful movement. There has been a great thing to see results of prayer. Even when it seems to some for somthing that could be seen a petty. Yet, I can't help but feel this is a gift given and must be lifted up to the Almighty and Powerful God. Who is worth of praise. Thank you oh Lord!!
While I'll be tenitively starting January 3, 2008. What a way to start of a new year. I can not help but feel somewhat scared about leaving Valley Hi. A place I've worked at for eight years. I find that there is some amount of fear to doing anything new.

Almost to a new job

2007-12-11T16:47:00.000-06:00

It is hard to belive that I will be working at Peapod(peapod.com). Pulling and packing georcy items at night.Once they've run a crimial background check, a drug test, and call my references.As it stand right now I have the job. After eight years at Valley Hi it's time to be at a place where I'd be able to have a change to move up. Work for a company that will always have work to do and seems to be a great place to work. What will it be to work nights? I don't know but I'm willing to do that. Even though it will take some getting use to. This will be worth it.

Finding Grace

2007-10-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

Grace. A gift I'm unworthy of getting. Much like that gift you asked for and thought you would never really get. While today it seems that I have been trying to make sense of what grace is and how it had change my life. There are no words that can explain this. Even if I could put words to it; it would only cheapen it.
I'm still finding grace. Even when I feel that I'm unworthy of it. God does. I'm his beloved daughter. He sees me as worthy. Yet, I don't feel this way much of the time. Given that when you come out with various sins the church, as a whole, call 'unforgivable'.
The Bible is clear. That we are to love all people. Even when they sin. No matter the sin. There is always grace and forgiveness. Which is given by God though the blood of Christ. No matter what cause us to stumble. The church has cause much heartache.
All I can do is pray!

Starting over with a new blog

2007-10-19T20:19:00.000-05:00

Road signs often are missed. The ones I miss are one way signs because in my town only a handful of streets are one way. These streets are one I don't travel often. Lately, I have been reliving many past memories and have come to see that life is very much like a one way highway. Where life can go only one way. Forward not back. Yet, what about the memories good and bad. Would those need to be left behind forever. NO! If it weren't for the good, the bad, and the ugliness of life. How could a life story be told. How could faith be deepened or even come to? So, here's to life, a one way highway.